Rest for the weary...things that make me teary

I have come out of hibernation...thanks to Jr....

I worked all day Friday on my students' last day of school.  Another year down...this one flew!!  I had 2 very touching things happen.  When the students arrived, one of my boys approached me with a very thick envelope.  When  I opened it, there was an adorable letter about my breast cancer and how upset and shocked he was.  It then said that when he found out, he wanted to do something for my family and me to help us get through this.  So he decided to raise money by selling Hershey's candy bars.  Inside the envelope was over $60!!!  The effort and thoughtfulness that was put into his gift was very overwhelming....let's just say I shed several tears. 

We also had our quarterly awards assembly.  Seven of our GATE students were presented with awards from Mr. Headworth.  Surprisingly, Mr Headworth then presented me with an award on behalf of the fifth grade for being an inspiration.  It was a kite that they had made that contained a breast cancer symbol in the center.  The floodgates swung open again...very emotional...and well...I was speechless.  It is such a wonderful feeling to be loved and respected by so many wonderful kiddos!!  It is the small moments like these that reward me for the career choice I have made...Below is a picture of it!!!

After work I was EXHAUSTED!!  I literally went home and don't remember much from Friday night until I awoke Sunday morning!!  Junior said IT WAS TIME!  He told me I needed to get out of bed, get dressed, and get pretty because I can't hibernate forever.  So...I did just that...and I am glad I did!! We went to breakfast...bought some gardening supplies...went out to dinner with the Hoskins...and then went over to the Gilkey's afterward.  It was a nice day!!

Today...we went and ate lunch with the Lintz's at Jr's mom and dad's!! Yummy Korean food...AGAIN!!  We had a really nice, relaxing afternoon!  BUT...the best part is...my babies came home from the lake today!! Boy did I miss them...that is until they get on my nerves again...lol!!

Tomorrow...back to work for 2 more days...and then...SUMMER BREAK!!!!  Looking forward to a fun-filled, relaxing summer with family and friends!  Oh and lots of guiltless sleep during treatment week!!

Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend!! 

GI Jane...

I...well... WE did it!  Shaved my head.  It was getting so thin and falling out so rapidly I couldn't keep up with it anymore.  Let me tell you...that was difficult!  I cried the entire time.  The same feelings I had the day I found out my diagnosis came rushing back.   I let the kids cut it very short with scissors and then Jr used a 1 guard to shave the rest off.   Chase...or should I say Edward Scissor Hands...was cutting so fast I had to remind him to slow down so he didn't take my ear off in the process.  When it was all said and done...it was a very weird sensation...I didn't realize how warm hair keeps your head. 

The tears really began to flow when Zoe stopped cutting...and said..."Mommy, it doesn't matter if you don't have hair...you are still beautiful!"  Then she bent down and gave me a kiss.  My kids and husband are so wonderful...they were so sensitive through the entire thing.   We had a nice cry together and now we are fine.  I reminded them of the first day I told them that I had cancer and that the scariest part would be when I am bald.  I explained that it is just hair and me losing it means the treatment is working.  It will grow back in no time...probably and hopefully prettier!

Overall I am feeling okay today.  I took the day off to relax versus wearing myself out at work.  I got worse as the day progressed.  My Neulasta shot will start setting in tomorrow and I will start to feel more under the weather.  I haven't decided if I am going into work tomorrow.  I will wait til morning to see how I am feeling.  Friday is my students' last day.  Therefore, I definitely want to be there Friday for the talent show and the awards assembly.  So I am trying to take it easy to seal the deal.  OOH BOY...can't wait to hear what they have to say about my new look!

Until later...

Small Request

Hey all  followers...can you add your last name or do first initial and last name?  I don't recognize some of your user names.   I also have several peeps with the same first name and it is nice to know who is who!!

Also...if you are  not a "follower" and you comment Anonymously...please include your name so I know who you are!!


Thanks everyone!!!  Your prayers...thoughts...and support ARE WORKING!  PLEEEAASE keep it coming :-)

            Thank you for keeping an   

on me...and my ta-ta's!!

Better late than never...

On my way to chemo treatment #2...I was halfway there...my cell phone rang.  It was the doctor's office calling to inform me that the power was out and they had to cancel my 8:45 appointment.  They said they would call back if and when the electricity was restored.  I went in at noon instead.  I just relaxed, read my book, and chatted with my dad.  Went well...my blood counts were excellent!   The only bad news is that my port is slightly infected...so I am on an antibiotic.  They also gave me medicine for my cold sore and any future ones that try to pop up...side effect #268.  

I felt pretty descent this afternoon...fatigue set in but I hung in there.  The Hoskins brought an awesome southwest lasagna dish...and she had us all convinced she can't cook...could have fooled me!!!  The kids had a nice time, too.  THANK YOU!

The chemo effects are setting in...nausea, fatigue, and a HUGE headache.   I have a few crappy days ahead of me.  Oohh...and...hair is really falling out now!!   It's kinda fun running my hands through it and pulling it out...I know...weird huh?  We will prolly have to cut it in the next few days...did I mention how excited my kids are about that??  CRAZIES!!

I think it is time for bed. ..good night everyone...hugs!

Making a Change

Today we did our walk at school.  The kids had a fantastic time.  All but 1 or 2 students finished the entire 5K walk.  They had pizza, popsicles, and water!! And the weather was GORGEOUS...warm but very breezy!  Many of them asked if they could do it next year with our new 5th grade class.  They chanted and cheered..."Honk for breast cancer"..."Fight against breast cancer!"  My favorite was..."Real men wear pink!!"  They are just too awesome...their passion for the cause is very touching...and contagious.

And then there is the hair...it has been almost exactly 2 weeks since my first treatment and the time has finally come...My hair is officially falling out.  I lost large amounts throughout the day.  I suspect it will be gone by the weekend...scarves and wigs...here I come!!  Actually kinda glad in some ways because my hair has been VERY mad at me lately.  It must know I'm getting ready to part with it because it will not do ANYTHING that I want it to do.  It is worse than my kids when it comes to following directions.  I will probably look better without it anyways!!  I just pray my eyebrows and eyelashes remain intact!!  I think I should be able to pick and chose what hair goes and what hair stays...I know right??  SOOO unfair...lol.

Have a good evening...we have lots to do!!

Normalcy!!

It is so nice to feel some normalcy for the first time in quite awhile!!  I have spent the past several weeks being either anxious, overwhelmed, tired, sick, or in pain!  Friday night I finally felt like my self again.  Unfortunately this is only temporary because my 2nd treatment is Tuesday.  At least I know what to expect this time around.  My hair will probably start falling out this week...little nervous about that. Until then...I am going to enjoy being normal...okay...okay...no comments necessary!!!

Today is our 12th year anniversary...WOW...time flies...did I mention what a lucky, lucky man Jr is??!!!  Tomorrow is my Bubby's 11th birthday...another big WOW!  Man I am getting old.  We had a nice family day today with the Lintz's and the Hurst's!  My mother in law cooked up some incredible Korean dishes...yummmmm!

Looking forward to tomorrow.  We are doing a 5K for the Cure walk with my 5th graders.  The proceeds will be donated to Cancer Family Care.  It is a nonprofit organization that helps families battling cancer.  You can read more about the organization at http://www.cancerfamilycare.org/.  My godmother, Kathy Shroder, is also on the CFC board.  Most of us will be wearing pink...we tie-dyed pink shirts...so cute.  A wonderful parent had 1 breast cancer bracelet and 1 pedometer donated for each student!  Another great parent also donated 300 bottles of water!  My awesome dad is buying 35 pizzas for the walk.  Sheri Blessing (our secretary) called around to neighborhood stores and got donations for prizes and gifts for the students.  She also purchased popsicles for the kids.  It should be a lot of fun...let's just hope the rain holds through the afternoon.  My students' interest and relentless support for me and the fight against cancer has moved me such a great deal!!  It is a wonderful thing when you are able to turn a difficult situation into something positive!!  Great life lesson...I hope its positive effects are contagious!

Good night...well needed rest for tomorrow!

Official Diagnosis

I just realized I have also not posted my official diagnosis with you all!!  You can find additional information all over the net...  http://www.breastcancer.org/ is a great informational resource!!

I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
*Stage II (pretty early)
*Grade 3 and in my lymph nodes (aggressive...which is why chemo first)
*Estrogen & Progesterone positive (this type is easier to treat...mine is almost 100% hormonally fed)
*HER2 negative (very good news)

Kids say the darnest things...

Since I have shared my diagnosis publicly, I have had the opportunity to be humored almost daily by the darnest things that kids say...Unfortunately I can't remember them all!  So I have decided to keep a running log and to update the blog every time I hear a new one.  Please feel free to add anything a child has said to you when they heard the news.  The way their brains work just tickle me pink...no pun intended.

*One of my students asked me if she could talk to me in private...she had a very serious, but curious look on her face...She asked me to lean down and then whispered in my ear..."Mrs Lintz...are they going to cut em off?" 

*Several girls at school were showing off there dance moves at recess...one of my favorite past times.  One of the girls jumped out with a lot of charisma, spread her arms out wide, and announced "This performance is brought to you by Mrssss. Lintz's breaasssst cancerrr!!" 

*"Mom, does Aunt Danielle's voice sound different because she has cancer?" - Aubrey

*The day after my first treatment..."Is your breast cancer all gone now?"

*On Monday, one of my gentlemen said, "Mrs. Lintz...is your hair falling out yet?"  I replied no and he said..."maannn."  I asked him if he was upset about that and he shrugged his shoulders and kinda nodded his head.  I figured he was very curious.  Who wouldn't want to see their teacher with a bald head...not something you see everyday!!  I told him not to worry it will happen soon...and... he smiled!!

*My girls were braiding my hair at recess.  One of them parted my hair and said "DANG girl your scalp is WHITE!! Your head is going to look crazy white when your hair falls out!"  UMMM not quite sure what color she was expecting???

*Today I wore sandals with a heel..."Mrs. Lintz...I think the breast cancer has made you taller..."

5/24/11 
So my hair started falling out yesterday.  This morning I showed Chase the large clump of hair that I removed from my hair when I took my pony tail out.  He replied, "Mom...we are going to have to ban you from sitting on our furniture.  You don't let Lilly on the furniture because she sheds...so I can't let you!!"  His delivery was awesome...he's so darn cute and witty!! I just adore his sense of humor.  Jr and I were cracking up.

*******************************************************

Okay...so there are waaay more than that...I just can't think of them right now.  I will add them as I hear them!!

Off Week

This week is my off week from treatment.  Overall things have gone well.  The nausea improved throughout the week, but the fatigue has continued.  I have been able to go in everday this week for a half day.  I am wiped out by lunch time.  Yesterday I had bone pain again in my upper body which made me resort to pain meds (something I don't like to do).  I also had my genetic testing yesterday...and since I was taking vicodin...I had my mom drive me there.  I opted to be tested for the mutated...yes I am admitting I may NOT be perfect after all...breast cancer gene.  This will be beneficial not onlly for decision making in my own treatment, but could also be life saving information for Zoe, my mom, my sister, and my nieces.  I have about a 5% chance of being positive.

Today, we had orientation for our upcoming 5th graders, and therefore I opted to stay the entire day.  They were so cute and asked some very serious questions.  You could tell they were a little nervous about "middle school."  Unfortunately, I think I did too much today and am feeling the effects.  I came home from work and went straight to bed.  I just got up 20 minutes ago.  I have a low grade fever and feel like I have the flu. 

We have a very busy weekend coming up...3 games...friend birthday party for Chase...and family birthday for Chase!!  I can't believe my bubby is almost 11...makes me soooo sad.  Then chemo again Tuesday...crazy thing is I am looking forward to it.  One step closer to be finished (2 down 6 to go = 25% complete) and cancer free...also one step closer to losing my hair :(  BTW...my skull caps I ordered came in yesterday...cute!!  Those will come into good use next week.

Until later...keep the prayers coming...

I'M BACK!

I received a text message from my beloved friend Christy Hoskins last night and I quote..."You know I love you and think u r awesome and organized and great and its really hard for me to tell you this....but your are a horrible blogmaster...whew I feel so much better hope u r not upset!!"  So I figured I better write since I know all of you miss me so much!!...I kinda feel guilty now because my WONDERFUL husband is folding laundry and doing chores while I write this...have I mentioned how lucky I am to have him?? He is the best!!

Okay where do I start since it's been a few days??  I think we left off on Tuesday!  By the way thanks for dinner on Tuesday Amy S.!  So glad to see you...it has been too long.

Wednesday
I woke up feeling fantastic at 4:30 am.  I got the kids ready and went to work like a normal day.  Things went well until about 10:30 and I began to fall flat on my face.  Fatigue and nausea began to take over.  I left about 11:30 (after a surprise visit from my cousin Kendal) and headed to the medicenter to receive my Neulasta shot, which boosts my immune system.  Then went home to bed and crashed for several hours.  Nicki Rinthen brought us a yummy enchilada dinner!!

Thursday
Today was another story....rough day!!!  Had the bone aches in upper body from the shot I got Wed.  Very nauseous and extremely tired.  Today was the best day of the week because Christy came over and cleaned my upstairs for me (thanks Stephanie for watching the kids)...it was WONDERFUL!  Kinda fun to have a maid...hahaha...she takes orders and follows directions quite nicely...LOL!! 

THANK YOU CHRISTY...LOVE YOU!!

Felt like someone ran me over with a truck.  I slept most of the afternoon.  Thanks to Amy and Kurry's yummy lasagna I didn't have to cook...my mom and dad enjoyed it too...Heck there was so much even Jr's work had some the next day!!

Friday
Very tired...but the bone aches were much better.  My godmother, Kathy, my mom and my sister and I went to the Cancer Family Care to check out some wigs.  WOW...that was hard for me!  I didn't realize how much that would bother me but it did.  It took everything to hold back tears.  We laughed a few times...especially my sister when they put a stocking on my head to make me look like I was out to rob a bank!!  She took a couple candid shots.  I did take home a synthetic wig.  The color is perfect but it's a little short.  I found one in a catalog that I will probably order...much longer and much more me.  I just picture myself as being much more of a scarf girl than a wig girl.  Melissa hooked me up with a website that sells the cutest skull caps.  I am ordering those today!! 

Jaime, Jeannie, Jackie, and Coop brought over some pasta, salad, and ice cream for dinner.  We didn't get a chance to eat it yet but we will today!!  

It was so nice seeing so many faces this week...especially since many of you I don't see often.  Thank you all for being such great friends!!  I look forward to seeing many more you of in the upcoming weeks!!

Next week is my off week so hopefully I will get some energy back...fingers crossed!! 

Reality Bites

Well...I am an official cancer patient.  Reality hit today when I was in the chemotherapy room with other people getting treatment too!!  Of course I was way younger than any other patient.  I looked "out of place".  It went well and was not "scary" at all..  The nurses and my doc are great!   My wonderful dad drove me there and kept me company.  He brought me back to his house to rest so he could get my prescriptions filled and keep a close eye on his girl (I guess that parenting instinct never dwindles).  Wow...don't know what me and Jr would do w/o the both of them.  Feeling a little tired and a little nauseated...hopefully it will subside...but either way I will stand strong!! 

Yesterday I told all 120 of my 5th graders about my diagnosis.  There were many mixed reactions.  Many of them had a difficult time and were noticeably upset.  Lots of hugs and cards were given all day long.  Many, many questions...and of course their own personal experiences they have had with cancer...most of which ended in death...lol we are still helping them to mold their "filter."  They are so very sweet and caring...god love them!!  I miss them very much and really enjoyed returning to work yesterday.  They have a special gift of making you feel better and that everything is going to be okay.  Hopefully I will feel well enough to go in tomorrow...they really need me there!!  We have a lot of fun projects planned for them over the next 3 weeks...keep your fingers crossed :-)

Last night, Junior's wonderful parents brought us Korean food and ate dinner with us.  It was nice hanging out with them too.  We (especially Jr) are benefiting greatly from their love and support.  My gracious mother in law surprised me with a beautiful COACH purse.  WOW!!  I have never owned one of those before.  She hugged me sweetly and told me she wanted to treat me for being so strong!!  She is having a difficult time with all of this, but I told her we will win!  Glad to have been blessed with another set of wonderful parents!!

That's all for now...have a great night!

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,
    This is a special day that we celebrate every year.  Many of us do it because it is a date on the calendar.  We give and receive presents.  We get together and eat...This year is different for us.  Being a daughter and a mother means something different then it did last year or the years before last.  It means being so blessed with 2 such wonderful gifts.  There are many people out there who don't have mothers.  There are many girls who will never have the opportunity to be a mother.  God blessed me with both!!  I have the BEST mommy in the whole world....I have 2 fantastic children. YOU are why I will get up and fight every day...YOU have given me the gift of strength. 
    I know I do not say it enough, but I LOVE you very much.  I don't think I could have gotten through the first couple of days without your love and support.   Nor do I think I could make it through the next 6 months.  I hope that one day, both of my children have for me the deep love, respect, and admiration I have always had for you.  I hope when they become parents they want to be like me and Junior...the same way I have always tried to parent like you and dad.  That is the best gift I can give you...the ability to pay your blessings forward to my children and grandchildren.
   I hope that this day is especially good for you.  But most of all, I wish for every day to feel like Mother's Day.   You are special and dear to my heart every single day...not just today.  I love you and thank you for being you!!

Love,
Dani






************************************************************************

How much I love you I can't say:

It's more than words can hold.

You're all at once my rich, red clay,

My potter and my mold.

Yours the words that shaped my voice,

The spirit within mine.

Yours the will that shaped my choice,

My fortune, and my sign.

How lucky I was to have had you

At the core of me!

Wise and good, you always knew

Just what I could be.

And so I came to be someone

Whom I could be proud of.

For this I give my swollen sum

Of gratitude and love.

OUCH!!

Hi everyone...it's been several days. We have been busy busy with soccer games this weekend and I haven't exactly been feeling up to par. On Thursday, I had my port put in. Overall, everything went well. When they did my initial IV for my port surgery, they insisted on it being in my hand. I told them they wouldn't get a good stick...yeah thanks mom for those veins that look good then magically disappear when the needle goes in! She stuck me about 5 times until she thought she had a good line....but she didn't listen.  I kept telling the nurse it hurt but she said it was good.  When they were giving me my feel good medicine...I beckoned the anesthesiologist...waved him to bend down and whispered to him...you might need to check this IV because it ain't right. I'm just saying! He thought I was just talking out the right side of my loopy ass (yes right side I chose you this time).

Well...when I woke up, guess where my IV was? On the inside of my elbow!! Exactly where I told them to put it in the first place.  In the middle of surgery, they had to move it.  So my entire arm from my fingers to my elbow were swollen from the fluid draining directly into my tissue.  It hurt like H-E-double hockey sticks!!  Now I look like a heroin addict with tracks up and down my entire left arm.

Now for my right side....They placed a port just below my collar bone.  This is how I will receive my chemo treatments and any blood work that needs to be done will be taken from that sight vs. running a new IV line each time and damaging tissue (like they already did once).  Man...does that hurt.  It felt like my chest bone, collar bone, and shoulder were broke.  I thought I was going to work on Friday, but the surgeon shot me down on that one.  I am glad he did because I was hurting on Friday...did too much yesterday and now I am paying for it a little.  All that being said, I am ready to go...ready to start treatment and get it out ASAP.

Thanks for all the inspiring messages...thoughts and prayers.  I am a strong girl...but each and everyone of you make me stronger!!  I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my corner!

HALLELUJAH!!

Thank you Jesus! Our prayers have been answered!

My doctor just called to inform me that my MRI results showed no additonal cancer other than the primary tumor they found via ultrasound.  So sorry right ta-ta...no attention for you!!  ALSO...my CT scan shows NO signs of metastasis to any major organs in my body!!You have noooo idea how relieved I feel right now!!

The port goes in tomorrow and  my treatments start Tuesday.  Let's get this party started with some chemo cocktail and kill those mean little cancer critters.  I am ready to be bald and beautiful and cancer free!!

Have a wonderful evening...I know me and my wine will!!

Get Me Out of Here!

I had my MRI today...WOW! That was some freaky stuff. I never realized how much confined spaces bothered me. I think the worst part is I had to lay face down...put my boobies in some big ole holes...which I filled quite nicely thank u very much...stick my face into an opening...and then they proceeded to strap me down...

At first I chuckled imagining some of you watching me go through this experience...AND THEN... they slid me inside the machine. It so reminded me of a CSI morgue where they slide the victims into drawers with tags on their feet. It totally freaked me out that I started to lift my head up and say, "Get me out of here now!" Then I got control of myself and thought...Seriously, Danielle it's no different than a tanning bed for Christ sake. Get over it!

Tomorrow I have a CT scan and a heart echo. I can't wait til all these damn tests are completed. I just want all my results!! The waiting game SUCKS...and the fact that I love/have to be in control and in the know about everything AND I can't do either...is killing me. Type A personality is hard to be sometimes.

Please keep praying that I can share some good news. I will let you know when I know more!!

Anxious

So since Wednesday...I have been very strong and in good spirits.

Today is another story. For some reason I have a lot of anxiety today. I just can't wait to get my scans on Monday and Tuesday over with. I just want them to say it is only in my breast(s) and lymph nodes. That will be a HUGE sigh of relief.

My wonderful parents brought us over dinner and spent several hours with us this afternoon. That helped me out a lot. Being around people that love you is a big motivator. My parents are really struggling. They try to hide it but I can still see it. That's okay though...it is because they love me so much!! I don't think I could handle watching Chase or Zoe fight this battle. I know I have the best parents in the world. God sure must have loved me to have given me such great parents.

Good night...long couple of days coming...